and we'll pretend these killing lights
by stolen roses
Summary: can't kill us all over again / what she did for him, it was the first step to becoming the person she would never be.


**and we'll pretend these killing lights can't kill us all over again**

she was a blue-eyed mess, with hair that seemed to be spun of gold and legs as long as none he had ever seen before, and he loved every bit of her.

x

the first time he saves her, they're at the birthday party he was accidentally invited to. he's standing in a corner, watching her as she dances and laughs and spinspinspinsaround and he can't help it but smile, and then she's falling and everybody notices but no one does a thing, so he runs to her and catches her and maybe holds her in his arms a little bit too long, because blair is suddenly standing right next to him, asking him who he thinks he is and telling him to back off and to leave and who the fuck are you anyway? but all he sees is how serena rolls her eyes behind her and winks at him and that is more than he had asked for-

x

after that, he finds himself saving her again and again, soon enough, he has lost the count (as if. for every muttered thanks he gets from her he writes a little verse, for every smile, a poem.

for that time at the party? he wrote a story. but he feels it was worth a thousand more)

x

you'd think she doesn't notice, how would she? she's rich, she's busy, she has lots of friends and a million parties to attend to, she is used to people taking care of her as much as she's used to them talking about her behind her back. why would that dark haired boy whose name she doesn't even know (she doesn't even want to know) be any different?

but the thing is, he is, she can feel it. so she notices and she cares, but she never tells, because she is scared that he'll stop coming if she speaks aloud of what they have there, the silent falling-and-catching that has become somewhat of a ritual between them. so she starts messing up on purpose just to test him, to see if he'll always come, and he does, he always comes.

x

until one day it's her who comes to him. he is standing in the lobby of the hotel she is staying in (he has forgotten why he was there; nowadays, his thoughts only turn around her. but can you really blame him? after all, she's hypnotizing, mesmerizing, and another hundred adjectives he can't think of right now), after the year she spent away from the city that loves and loathes her equally, and she's looking at him, really looking at him for the first time, and he can feel her silently screaming for help, can see it in her eyes. she is the one who saves him that time, though, from being kicked out of the hotel, and that alone is worth another hundred stories. he never expects what comes next, but it really happens (when he thinks about it now, he sometimes has to pinch himself, to be sure that it's not a simple dream, a product of his imagination-

because goddamn, _she asks him out on a date_)

that moment, a thousand thoughts cross his mind, but the only thing he knows for sure is the awful lot of writing he will have to do the next few days.

x

later, they realize he actually helped her, what she did for him, it was the first step to becoming the person she would never be.

x

so they start dating. they hold hands, they kiss, they make out in hidden and not-so-hidden spots at school. they laugh together and study together and do everything together. and maybe the reason why the are together so often is because everyone else says they shouldn't, maybe it's just because they love each other, something dan tells her one day and from then on they take to whisper it to each other as a kind of contest (_let's see who can say it more often!_) and it doesn't matter, because they both mean it.

and serena still tries to change and dan still writes (_28/10/05; i met a girl today and i love her and i won't ever let go of her_)

x

somewhere along the way something breaks. they can't tell what it is, or why it breaks, but it does, and sure they didn't agree on everything before, and sure they fought, but nothing prepared them for this, so they stop seeing each other and they stop talking to each other, but they still miss each other. (spoiler: much later, they end up realizing nothing broke.

they just grew tired of acting like people they weren't, people they would never be.)

x

days pass, weeks pass; dan stops writing (his inspiration is gone, he looks out for another, but everyone seems dull and boring in comparison to her, the girl with the stars in her eyes and the world at her feet).

serena goes back to her old ways, she drinks too much, she cares too little, she expects him to appear and catch her once again, like oh so many times before( and maybe, just maybe, he does, and nobody notices, except for her. she doesn't see him, but she knows it is him, who else would help her? she's all alone on this world)

x

serena calls; dan says i love you again. why, she asks, why do you love me? the way you smile, your blueblue eyes, the way your hair gets messed up every time a light breeze comes up- she can't believe what she's hearing, is speechless, chuckles, wants to kiss him and loves him again (as if she had ever stopped) and soon enough, everything is like it was before ( she goes back to fighting and lying to survive, she tries to change (for him), but she never quite succeeds.

he goes back to writing poems and stories about her. he kisses her cherry blossomed lips again and feels like the luckiest guy on earth (for having her)

and together they realize they aren't simple and they aren't easy, but truth be told, they wouldn't have it any other way)


End file.
